A Long Time Coming (Part One)

It’s been two weeks since RomantiCon and I’m sure y’all were all wondering where my review was. Well, life gets crazy. I swear, since the beginning of October, I’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. By the way, do chickens really run around after their heads are cut off? I may have grown up in the country, but we didn’t have chickens. My uncle did, but those little fuckers were mean and I never went around them. I left that to my brother and cousins. Cannon fodder.

Anyway, RomantiCon. Le sigh. Oh RomantiCon. I wish you could last for longer than four days. Honestly, I think I told Lea Barrymire that I wished life was RomantiCon interspersed with writing and reading and family time. Why do we have to come back to the real world after such a great, long weekend? Why? (Imagine me falling to my knees screaming this to the sky. Because I can be melodramatic too.)

I got there on Wednesday, arriving a day before the actual conference started. First off, let me just say I had a layover in Tampa, had about three Bloody Mary’s with this 80-something year old lady who was on her way to Baltimore for the Ravens’ game. I asked who they were playing and she said, “I don’t know, I’m just going to party.” Hell yeah! I had to have drinks with her after that. So by the time I got to Ohio, I was feeling pretty good. Found the shuttle and settled myself in the middle row while the driver went to find other passengers headed to the hotel.

But when he returned, it was with seven…Cavemen. Now when I’m traveling, I’m not in Danica mode. I’m in me mode and me, I mean I don’t dress up, wear just enough makeup to not scare little children and my hair is always in a pony-tail. So you can imagine my horror when I look up to see the seven buff, attractive Ellora’s Cave cover models headed my way like they were strolling out of a Quentin Tarantino. You know, slow motion, the wind whipping around them, shades on…cue the awesome soundtrack.

The driver says, “I have more people than I thought, maybe you’d like to take the passenger seat?”

Y’all, I jumped out of that van so fast I probably looked like someone had pushed me out. All I could picture was me being squished on that seat surrounded by muscles while looking like holy hell and it was enough motivation to get me moving faster than I’ve moved since my brother kicked me in the nose and ran away from me. I caught him, by the way. Anyway, I was safely seated in the passenger seat, buckled up and smiling brightly when seven very muscled men forced themselves into the van. With Aline Hunter perched on the stool between me and the driver. Good. God.

This is trouble waiting to happen. And it was just the first day of the conference!

I’m not going to give a blow-by-blow assessment of the whole conference because I have pictures for that. Yes, pictures. But, I will say that I really wish it wouldn’t have ended. And there were some highlights for the conference. Mainly me trying to take out three cavemen during one of the group shots on Bollywood night. Yeah. Totally. Bad shoulder + saree + kneeling to take a picture = Danica is stuck on the ground. I may have used Rodney’s broad shoulder to hoist myself to my feet wherein my saree fell apart right there on the stage. Yup, it started unraveling. Thank god I was wearing full on clothes underneath. For everyone’s sake.

Before the sauri and knock-down-the-cavemen moment

I did two workshops this year. The first one was “There’s an App For That” and OMG, we had so much friggin’ fun! I mean, seriously, we had so much fun I think I want to do it again next year. Slightly different of course, but look for yourself!

From left to right, Lea, Me, Jose, Ramrod, Griffin and Cara

Two of the teams trying to get the position right with the aid of Tyrone, Tammy, John and Judy…(The blowup dolls)

We had guest judges, Desiree Holt, Joey Hill and random audience participant Nancy overseeing the antics

Then Saturday, I took my turn with the cavemen. Okay, for two days in a row, there are photo shoots. The cavemen are made available for “book cover” like pictures with the registrants of the conference. Last year I took two pictures and I was so nervous and scared and ecstatic, I thought I was going to pass out. This year, I was a little more comfortable. Until I got up there.

You want me to what?

        

This was after Daivd grabbed my hair because “I know it gets in the way.” Um.

Then I become a giggling mess…

 

A hysterical giggling mess because David, the lovely man behind me, began to hump me

This is the final shot. In the others I was laughing too hard for you to see anything but my mouth.

Tomorrow, I’ll continue the saga of RomantiCon as told by blow-up dolls. Needless to say, we had a blast and I’m already gearing up for next year. Oh, what am I saying? I was ready for RomantiCon 2014 as I was checking out of the hotel on Monday morning. It’s the best fun you can have with…well, I was going to say with your clothes on, but mine fell off at Bollywood and the Cavemen walk around half-clothed most of the time. Well, it’s still fun.

5 Comments

Filed under humor

5 responses to “A Long Time Coming (Part One)

  1. You know, I can just hear you giggling/laughing. It’s what we do when we’re nervous, right? Still, it’s nice to have a picture with THEM, though, huh? You got it framed somewhere?

  2. Jordan

    I lost it when David started humping you! and EH…. MER….. GERD! YOU rode to the hotel with them?! *SQUEAL* You lucky…… Must stop brain….. lol.

  3. Awesome recap! As a new EC author, I’m considering going next year! Looks like too much fun to miss.

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