Monthly Archives: November 2009

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Actually, it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas the day before Halloween. It’s madness, I tell you! I was walking in the store the day before Halloween, and where a week before there had been nothing but black and orange, was replaced with red and green. The bottles of egg nog were showing up, and I was thinking this madness needs to stop.

I wouldn’t be surprised if in a couple of years, Christmas items will show up Labor Day weekend, then for the 4th of July, then Easter! What’s with that? I mean, really.

Gr. Okay, so Thanksgiving is now over. It was nice. Small gathering filled with lots and lots of food, and laughter. Oh, and paintball guns. No, we didn’t have a battle, but we did get to watch my nephew, his friend, and our 7-year-old little blonde haired, blue-eyed angel shoot targets. We also had this…I don’t know what it was, some kind of machine that checks voltage. So of course, everyone in the family had to see how much voltage they had. My mom, cousin, and I had the highest (read: we suck the life out of the others in our family), while my cousin’s daughter was a negative (she’s anti-matter). It was amusing, silly, and we had a great time.

Now we’re trying to decide what to do for Christmas. Mais, Christmas! Already! Where did the year go?? Hmph.

Did everyone enjoy their holiday weekend? I read all weekend long. Got an order of books in on Friday and read every single one of them by last night. I have several new authors I like, and I’m oh so excited!

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A Thanksgiving Heart Throb

Happy early Thanksgiving everyone!

Now with turkey day nearly upon us, unless you’re the type of person who can deny yourself good eating, most of us are going to start gaining weight. Oh man, is it gonna suck or what? Well, who cares? It’s winter time. You’re supposed to put on weight during the winter so you survive. It’s all about survival,  people! That’s what I’ll be telling myself as I eat enough turkey to put me in a coma.

This year we’re going to my sister’s house since my uncle decided to cancel Thanksgiving. I really don’t know how he thinks he’s going to cancel an entire holiday, but more power to him, and more turkey for me!

Since today is essentially Friday (I am off tomorrow and Friday, BLISS!), I’ve decided to post a special Fantasy Man, except we’re calling him Thanksgivings Day Heart Throb.

Ummmm, so what should we be thankful for? That he’s pulling down his tighty-whitey’s? That he’s gorgeous? We should be thankful that he’s got that nummy 5 o’clock shadow? Or should we be upset because he hasn’t finished pulling those offensive underwear down? He’s a tease. He should be spanked. Right after I finish drooling all over his six-pack. Grrowl!

Happy Thanksgiving, all. I hope it’s a good one and good luck to those who are braving Black Friday! Peace out.

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Anti-social Christmas Shopping

We’re finally getting into the holiday season. With the approach of Thanksgiving, Christmas madness begins to develop. Mobs of people will descend on the stores Friday to get the best bargains they can in preparation for Christmas morning.

Not me though. To borrow my nephew’s phrase: Oh Hells no! I don’t do Black Friday shopping. I never will. First of all, I really don’t like to shop. Remember, I’m ‘not normal’ according to my mother. In fact, there’s a distinct possibility I won’t even leave my house on Friday simply because I don’t want to get caught in traffic.

See when I go to the store on a regular day, I already have the store mapped out in my head. I approach shopping like most generals do a military campaign. I’ve been in the store, done a full day’s shopping in twenty minutes with most of that time spent in the check-out line.

I do my Christmas shopping the same way except I do most of my shopping online. I know most people consider that cheating, but really, when you’re not fond of crowds, it’s the only way to go. First I’ll buy for the girls in the family since I sort of know what I want to get them all. Then come the guys. T-shirts. That’s my secret to shopping for guys. Get them funny T-shirts and they can’t complain. The kids are an entirely different story. I don’t have kids, I don’t know what kids like, and I really don’t like shopping for them. Usually I get them clothes or stuffed animals (my cousins hate me).

Then there’s the mother lode. Every year we try to get her something she’d really love. Last year it was  gaudy purse (trust me, she LIKES gaudy). The year before, it was half a year’s subscription to World of Warcraft. Have I mentioned my mom’s a computer game freak? Yeah, she’s 60 going on 12. She Beta tests a lot of games coming out and she loves it. So what do we get her this year? I have no idea. I’m thinking I might have to force my siblings to chip in so we can get her a flat-screen television. She’s been hinting (not subtly) about it for over a year now. It’s either that or the hot tub and I am so not buying her one of those.

So tell me, how do you approach Christmas shopping? Do you have an exact idea of what you’ll get your family or do are you a spur-of-the-moment shopper? Are you like me and shop strictly online, or do you like to be in the midst of the madness?

P.S. Tomorrow is going to be Thanksgiving Heart Throb since I’m not going to blog on Friday. Look for it!!

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And Now for Something Completely Different…

It’s Monday again *boo, hiss*. Fortunately, it’s also a short work week. It makes me feel like a kid again. You remember what it was like. The holidays would come around which meant you were out of school for a week (or 2 for Christmas). You’d be flat out giddy with delight. That’s how I feel this week. 3 days. Just 3 days and I have a long weekend!

People. I have an announcement to make. The New Orleans Saints are 10-0!! 10-0! (I have put this everywhere, so if you’ve read this on my Facebook or Twitter, I do apologize.) But 10-0!!! Holy crap! I’m just all kinds of happy now.

Okay, on to more interesting things. Commercials. I love commercials. My sister and I can have a two hour conversation about our favorite commercials. I know, we’re weird. However, I like to call us commercial connoisseurs. Saturday, she came to the house to pick up the turkey she’s cooking for Thanksgiving. We spent at least forty-five minutes with my godson talking about our favorite new commercials. I still like all of the Coors Light commercials and that online trading company…E-Trade? or Ameritrade? With the baby telling the old guy ‘It was on the cart path! Why don’t you try reading the rules? Shankapotamus.’ And the other one with the baby singing ‘Take…these broken wings and learn to fly again!’ I mean, really! These are GREAT commercials!

Now for today’s question: Are you a commercial connoisseur? Do you flip the channels when they come on, or do you wait to see what the advertising giants will come out with next? Is there one commercial you’d love to come up with yourself?

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Fantasy Man Friday

It’s the best day of the week again. The great thing about Fridays is that they come every week. It’s like a constant Christmas!

I don’t really have much to say today. (20 seconds later) Okay, scratch that. I do have something to say. I never realized before, but I’m apparently a compulsive calendar marker. I glanced over at my calendar in the middle of the first sentence, noticed I hadn’t marked yesterday as over…and immediately had to grab the marker and do so. I really tried to resist, but it wasn’t working. My hands twitched with the need to mark down that November 19 was over. How weird.

Right. So New Moon came out last night. No, I didn’t go to the midnight viewing. I was at home watching the Project Runway finale and I am so not happy Carol Hannah didn’t win. I thought her stuff was nice. Oh okay, Irina’s work was pretty friggin’ awesome. If I were thin and tall, I’d probably wear every one of the looks she created. Dammit.

Let’s talk about something better. Mainly, today’s Fantasy Man. I haven’t decided which one I’m going with. The poll is still open for those who want to give me a little hint of what they want to see, so until I close it, it’s allllll me. Hm. Which lovely man will I post? Okay, decision made.

Today’s Fantasy Man isn’t showing much skin. Sorry, ladies, but he’s been staring at me for weeks demanding his own day. Without further ado…

Look at him! Those eyes! Gah…You can’t tell me you’re not thinking ‘Come to mama’ (I almost said ‘Come to Butthead’…okay, so I was a Beavis and Butthead fan. Sue me!) Look at him!!! No, better yet DON’T look at him. He’s all mine.

Okay fine. Look. What do you think? Good choice for today’s Fantasy Man? I promise to have more skin next week. Although, if my Mike Rowe crush continues to build, you may see him instead…lol.

Enjoy! Happy Friday everyone!

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My 5 Sexiest Men Alive

I’m totally going to blog about The Sexiest Man Alive. That is, if I can get my fingers to work this morning. It’s at least 50 degrees in my office and the digits don’t want to work as fast as usual.

Anyway, Johnny Depp. Yummy! Those eyes. I’m really not going to start drooling *gets out the bib just in case*. He really is one sexy mofo. Oh, I know people are attracted to different things, but he has this (I was so about to bust into French but I can’t spell it) air about him. He’s a man who can be either the boy next door or the man your mama always warned you about. He’s just that hot.

So who else makes it on my list of men who are so flexible (in more ways than one I’m sure *eyebrow waggle*) they can play any part? List time!!

1. Edward Norton will always make my list. He isn’t your usual good-looking man. He’s actually kind of unassuming if you think about it. Except when I watched Fight Club, I was instantly drawn to him. (Hello Brad, you were a hottie too, grrowl.) Then, I saw him in Death to Smoochy and fell in love. If you haven’t seen this movie, you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s so absurd, but man…it has EDWARD NORTON in it!! *swoon*

2. Brad Pitt. You didn’t honestly think I could have a list of sexy men and not put Mr. Pitt on it, did you? Pffth. Brad…oh Brad, I’m mad…for you! So we all know he was dead sexy,  yet whiney in Interview with the Vampire. Those fierce, freaky eyes, that long hair…and fangs! Hubba, hubba. He so could’ve bit me anytime he wanted to. Then he had to go and make Troy. I distinctly remember seeing this at the theaters with my mom. You know that part when we see Brad in all his golden, sun-kissed, naked glory? Oh yeah, that’s my favorite part of the whole friggin’ movie! Moving on…(glad I got the bib out)

3. Jake Gyllenhaal. He has such a boyish face with those big blue eyes and that wide smile. I swear, if I were still a teenager, I would so have a shrine dedicated to his cuteness. I first saw him in Bubble Boy…500 dollar! 500 dollar? 500 dollar! Sorry, had to get that out of my system. He was cute and clueless and I wanted to hold him and pet him and call him George. Then, I saw him in Jarhead. I love a man in uniform…buzzcuts, muscles, sand, Nirvana playing in the background. Mm.

4. Christian Bale. I know, I know, he’s got some serious anger management issues and a lot of people don’t like him because of it. Am I ever going to meet this man? No, I seriously doubt it unless he’s given the role of Lucian when my manuscript makes it to the silver screen. Then, it’s on like Donkey Kong. One night I was bored and decided to watch American Psycho. OMG (or to borrow a phrase from fellow FF&P’ers) ZOMG!! Christian Bale running through a hallway in nothing but a pair of tennis shoes, wielding a chainsaw. I was in love! Then, I saw him in The Prestige and I didn’t even look at Hugh Jackman (who is also luscious). He was bad, he was good, he was confusing me! But I wanted him anyway. Evil, naughty man who needs to be spanked.

5. Liev Schreiber. Hm, you’re probably wondering who he is. Most recently, he played Sabretooth in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I first saw him in Mixed Nuts dressed as a woman. I thought he made a pretty woman and to be honest, I thought he was the best character in the movie. Then I saw him in Scream and I was in instant lust. Okay, he was a bad guy, not a bad guy, still a bad guy, Hell I don’t even remember if he turned out bad in the end or not. It didn’t matter. I thought he was cuuuuute! I wish he’d get more lead roles because I think he’s a delicious actor.

And that’s my list of five sexiest men alive. I feel as though I’ve cheated ya’ll by not providing pictures, but let’s be honest here…If I had looked for pictures of them, I wouldn’t have posted this at all because I’d still be drooling and scrolling through my list.

So who is on your list of sexiest men alive? I really wanted to put Mike Rowe on this list…he’d come in 6th to be sure. I just love that man. He’s so cute and funny and his voice is divine! Okay, back to the questions: Do you agree with my list? Love these men in a different movie? Hate all of them? Give me some opinions here folks!


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Cajun Woman

So yeah, I’m from South Louisiana (which, for those of you who weren’t aware, is the portion of the state south of I-10). They don’t have the same accent we do here. I don’t know if many people realize, but there are pockets of different accents all over the southern half of the State and they grow thicker the further south you go.

Now, my mom had a very thick Cajun accent when she was a child. She forced herself to get rid of it because she heard herself referred to as a ‘coonass’. She was horrified and from then on, worked to get rid of the accent. As a result, my sister, brother, and I don’t have accents unless we slip.

Slipping into a Cajun, or coonass, accent happens when I’m either surprised, talking with someone with a thick accent, or tongue-tied. Now it’s, confession time. When I talk to a very attractive man, Cajun Woman (you were wondering how I was going to bring the title into this, huh?) comes out. Cajun Woman is not a superhero. No, Cajun Woman is who I become when I have to talk to a very attractive male and my accent emerges.

How does it emerge, you might ask. Well, if you’ve never heard a Cajun accent, then it’s hard to explain. Don’t think of any movies surrounding New Orleans (that’s a different accent and horribly wrong). The Waterboy is only slightly correct, but also oh so wrong. No, a Cajun accent is flat. Instead of saying ‘this’ it’s ‘dis’. Instead of ‘that’ it’s ‘dat’ (who dat? anyone?). ‘Both’ becomes ‘boat’. As in ‘both of ya’ll’ becomes ‘boat-a-ya’ll’. The other words I can’t even begin to explain.

So here I am with an attractive man in front of me asking me about a boat. I get flustered. Then I bust out with the Cajun accent. Gah! I might have thrown ‘mais’ in a few times, pretty sure I did. Mais. He wasn’t impressed and I was embarrassed. Not that I broke into what’s a natural accent for me, but because I let a man fluster me that badly. I mean, really folks! He wasn’t that cute. Maybe he was putting off some serious pheromones. Hm, that might be the reason.

Anyway! Do any of you have an accent you try to smother? Have you ever found yourself so flustered by a man that you become either tongue-tied, or lose all trace of thought?

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A History of Crushes

As I was sitting in the dentist’s chair yesterday, I began thinking about all the silly crushes I had over the years. Well, they weren’t silly at the time and all of them revolved around musicians. Mind you, the idea for this post came about because of my bid to ignore the scraping, whirring, and strange noises going on in my mouth. No, I didn’t have anything but a cleaning done, but it just isn’t natural to hear all that crap going on inside your head. I think that’s why people don’t like the dentist.

But that isn’t the point of this post. No, I’m going to give a pictorial list of my crushes through the years. I hope you find this as funny as I did.

First off:

Yes, Duran Duran. I mentioned in my previous post how I used to daydream (in 3rd grade) how they were going to come save me from my class. They were pretty and non-threatening to a kid.


Sebastian Bach of Skid Row. I was a teenager by this time. Thirteen or fourteen. He was beautiful and he could SING! Plus those leather pants really were hot. Gr-owl! Of course, this is when my penchant for bad boys developed.


Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots. This was high school. I saw that hair, those cheekbones, and I forgot all about poor Sebastian. Scott W was like a breath of fresh air. I still hold some affection for him because he’s so crazy cool (even though he’s had some um, problems over the years).


Chris Cornell formerly of Soundgarden and Audioslave. This was my college crush. Those moody eyes, yum. I thought he was deep and sensitive, I mean, c’mon! Doesn’t he look like a heartbreaker to you??

More recently though:


Mr. Rob Zombie. Don’t ask me why. He doesn’t exactly fit the usual mold of ‘hot’, but I find him very sexy. He’s got the long hair, the beard, the tattoos. He’d be my mother’s worst nightmare come to life. Hubba, hubba!

So, that’s a pictorial list of my crushes through the years. Do you agree/disagree? Who were your crushes? (Don’t forget to vote for what kind of Fantasy Man you’d like to see!)


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The Violence Inherent in the System

If you read this before Monday…you’re so lucky!

So I was just having a moment of contemplation (I have a lot of moments like that, honestly). You know, when you sit back and think about some obscure topic and you have an epiphany. Well, it wasn’t quite an epiphany, but it was close.

I have a vivid imagination, mostly revolving around natural disasters, attack scenarios, and such. You might think that’s strange, but I’m sure you’ve thought: ‘What would happen if I was attacked while brushing my teeth?’ If you haven’t, you really should. What would happen? Would you close the bathroom door and hope they’d just think you really had to go? Would you grab the mouthwash and splash it in their face? (cause that stuff stings) Or would you, like me, stab them with the pointy end of your toothbrush? Oh yes, this seems like a winner. First of all, you’re startled so you’re going to have one of two responses: fight or flight. Now, if you’re like me and you don’t have a window in your bathroom, there’s nowhere to run to, so you have to fight. Hence, the toothbrush. The pointy end is kind of dull, but you could gouge them in the eyes or stab them in the neck (it worked for Joe Pesci’s character in Goodfellas except he used a pen).

I don’t want you to think I’m a violent person. Contrary to what my psychologist friend says, I do not carry a shovel in the trunk of my car, nor do I own a rocket launcher. It would be awesome to have one, but I think it would clash with the furniture.

I also don’t have anger issues. I really don’t. Usually if I get angry, I blow up (or get quiet and plot the death of my enemies), and get over it. Oh sure, I’ve had that moment when I imagined going after a co-worker with a staple gun, but it’s a staple gun! C’mon! We all have those fantasies and if you don’t, then you’re not living! *cough*

I mean, Monty Python brought us the ‘how to defend yourself against an attacker wielding a banana’, why can’t we defend ourselves with our toothbrushes? I took part in a tough chicks workshop and learned that anything can be used as a defense weapon. You know, regular household items: Pam (cause it not keeps your food from sticking, but can blind), windex (no streaks and it burns, baby!), desert eagle .50 (cause you want to be sure you hit your target).

I apologize to anyone who doesn’t have these strange thoughts. I’m in a weird mood today. Could it be the impending visit to my dentist that has me thinking of violence? What kind of sick person wants to put their hands in people’s mouths for a living? And why do they always want to talk to you when they have their hands in  your mouth? I mean seriously, can you understand ‘un-nnn gahneh agh’? I can’t and I’m the one saying it!

So do you have any weird thoughts you’d like to share with the rest of the class? I promise I won’t judge. I might even share the daydreams I used to have that my elementary school would collapse and Duran Duran would come to save me (and only me, of course).


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Fantasy Man Friday

Friday the 13th. Meh. Is anyone really all that fearful of it anymore? Sure, if it came complete with a marauding killer coming after me with an axe or chainsaw, I’d probably wet my pants. As it stands, it’s just another day.

Now on to the really good stuff. Today is, of course, Fantasy Man Friday. I looked through my lads and I was torn. Do I want to do sweet and sexy, or hot, ripped, and sexy? Sheesh, I wish I had these problems in my personal life. Hm, do I choose the guy with the beautiful eyes and sweet smile, or the ripped hunk who looks like he could bench press my house? Yeah, those aren’t decisions I make on a regular basis.

I’m thinking about making a poll…In fact, I will make a poll! Ha! Not sure what I’m going to call it just yet, but hopefully it’ll guide me in these tough Friday decisions. I mean, I know what I like, but what do the rest of you like? While you’re pondering that profound question, here’s today’s offering:


Now there’s just something about this guy that made me go ‘Oooh!’ I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘I know exactly what made her go Oooh!, it’s his hot bod!’ Wrong! Sort of. It was the truck. Cause hello, hot guys, trucks, fogged up windows…you see where I’m going with this, right? Cause I don’t really want to explain anymore. If you don’t know what I mean, you haven’t been reading enough romance novels. Sheesh.

So back to today’s question: What do you like in a man? (I will be setting up a poll as well.)


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