Graceless

I didn’t talk much about Pensacola, other than to say I had fun. I had to rest from the trip and then I had work to do for my upcoming books. It’s only now, when things have calmed a bit that I can relate something that made me crack up.

My mom came with me for this trip. She’d never been to Florida before (which is kind of astounding since she’s been pretty much everywhere else) and when she found out I was going to Pensacola, she was so there. She was packed two days before we left, had bought snacks and drinks for herself, a bathing suit, and a huge book. She also had this insane plan to sneak over to the hotel next door to use their hot tub. Luckily she didn’t. I really don’t know what I would’ve done if she’d been arrested. Maybe leave her there for a little while to ponder her criminal activities.

The entire drive over, she kept urging me to drive faster. “Faster! I want to get there now! I’m your mother and I’m telling you it’s okay to speed.” Yeah, I chuckled over that. But it was Saturday that made me crack up.

Before I get to that though, I have to explain something about my family. We’re the most ungraceful people you’ll ever meet. My mom has fallen down our stairs more times than I can count. She hasn’t hurt herself too much and she always laughs hysterically at herself, but yeah, she and stairs do not mix well. Then there’s my uncle who has the unfortunate habit of falling off of anything he’s standing on. Three story scaffolding to work on his house? Yeah, he knocked out the wrong support and fell. And that’s only a mild taste of our lack of grace.

So it should come as no surprise when on Saturday morning Mom told me she was going to walk on the beach, I had a moment of panic. I warned her, “Be careful. Don’t fall or hurt yourself in any way, okay?” Of course she gave me a look I’m sure I’ve given her several times in the last thirty some odd years and promised to be careful. She went off, happy to be seeing blue water and white sand.

Hours later, after workshops and lunch, I went up to the room and that’s when I learned she didn’t follow my directions at all. Well, okay, it wasn’t that bad. It seems she tiptoed her way down to the water to put her feet in. A wave met her advance and almost knocked her off her feet. She swears one leg went one way and the other went another way. She almost fell, but managed to catch herself. And naturally, a man passing by saw it happen and laughed hysterically.

She didn’t end up in the water, but my writer’s mind keeps thinking how funny it would’ve been. I can picture it in my mind and it makes me laugh. Because when Mom falls, she’s very loud. She lets out this scream that makes you think something horrible has happened, but it’s really her laughing at herself.

Ah well. Mom made it through the rest of the weekend with no further mishaps. I’m sure Pensacola breathed a sigh of relief when we left the city limits, but be forewarned, Florida. We’ll be back.

1 Comment

Filed under Family

One response to “Graceless

  1. Jillian

    I adore your mom. She’s a hoot and she was so there for me when I needed a mom. I’m glad she had a good time and likes us even though we have that evil surf that will pull you down. It WAS a yellow flag day which is a caution, don’t get in flag. They actually had in paper that the lifeguards pulled 30 people out in rescues last week. Wow.

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