Starbucks Stupid

I hate not knowing how to do something and most of the time, I fake knowing everything really well. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work at Starbucks.

I drink coffee; no more than a cup a day, but sometimes I treat myself. Saturday was one of those days. I was heading out to get my hair done and run errands, one of which took me to Starbucks. My sister and I went to buy a gift card and I figured I’d get a decadent cup of coffee while I was there. I stared at the board not sure what I was going to get. It was warm so I didn’t want anything hot. I kept trying to remember what I drank in NYC since I visited Starbucks more than any other place while I was at the conference.

Then it was my turn. I thought I saw something that looked familiar and placed my order. The server said something I still don’t understand. It sort of came out “blah blah latte blah blah or iced coffee blah blah blah”. I stared at her in surprise. I could see the people in line behind me shifting impatiently. My answer? “The first.” Cause I had no idea what she said. The only thing I did know was the size “venti”.

Phew. It felt like the most monumental decision I’d made since I accepted representation! How difficult is it to order coffee? Should it be that hard? Maybe they didn’t have the same things at this Starbucks as they did at the NYC one because the drink I ended up with sucked. Sorry to die-hard Starbucks drinkers, but it did. I’m sure it was my fault since I was struck stupid while listening to her spout off something that was far too complicated for my just-woke-up brain to handle.

It wasn’t all that bad though. I did drink my…whatever it was, got my hair done, did a little shopping with my sister, and had lunch, but that moment of stupidity hovered over me like a dark cloud. Needless to say when I drank my coffee (regular stuff I made myself, thank you very much) on Sunday morning I breathed a sigh of relief because this I understood.

Do you drink fancy coffee? Or are you like me and you feel like there’s a spotlight on you when you order and if you say something wrong you’ll hear “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.”?


Filed under humor

12 responses to “Starbucks Stupid

  1. I don’t drink coffee, but I’ve recently found a drink I can order, and I have to think about it EVERY SINGLE TIME because I get tongue tied. Large (yes, I say LARGE cuz I can’t remember the other words for sizes), Iced Vanilla Chai Lattee.

    I’m getting better at it, but it’s a slow process. 🙂 I get so embarrassed in situations liked this and my brain freezes. LOL!

  2. I love my coffee but rarely get to order one away from my own kitchen. When I do, I usually look at the menu board, thinking this is way too complicated for my average sized brain and order the one I *think* I may know – hoping it doesn’t taste like dish-water.

    Believe me, I feel your Starbucks angst!!

    Hope the hair appointment made up for the coffee pain 😉

    • I try to go for simple as well and I’ve made a few successful coffee purchases, but for the most part, I feel like the fate of the universe hinges on my decision, LOL

  3. See, we are alike yet again. I ALWAYS flub it – ALWAYS!

  4. I don’t go to Starbucks much these days, but I eventually figured out a couple things that I liked and just stuck to those. What’s with the dumb size names anyway? Or even worse the places that no longer have small drinks–only medium and large. Cripes!

    Dealing with adoption
    Wrote By Rote

    • I have no idea, Arlee, but I tend to agree. I feel like a poser when I’m ordering which is why I think I’ll just skip them from now on, no matter how darn good it smells in there.

  5. I’m addicted to coffee. LOVE it. I think I’m fluent in Starbucks. 🙂 Don’t worry. Most people don’t have a clue when they go in there. LOL

  6. KAK

    Last time I went to a Starbucks, I pointed at the promo picture they had on the counter and said, “that, size huge.” Safe right? No. I got sucked into buying a bag of the Christmas blend. Dude asks me if I want it ground. “Yes.” Then he asks how I would like it ground. “Uhm, with a machine?”

    Yes, I too am Starbucks Challenged.

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