A Hot Mess

Oh, I do so hate to see the long weekend come to an end, but at least it gives me a chance to share another funny story. My family was at it again. No, I’m not talking about my uncle with the weird pie eating habits, and no, my brother didn’t fling potato salad at his godmother again. No, this time, my funny story happened before Thanksgiving and yet entertained us all.

I know I’ve mentioned my cousin before. The one who wants to be called Lynn because she doesn’t like her first name? Yeah, well every time I think of that, I’m remembered of Monty Python. You know the scene where King Arthur and his knights meet the enchanter?

Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tender?
Tim: There are some who call me…Tim.

Anyway, Lynn likes her wild hair colors (she takes after me in that aspect). Except she’s also in high school which means she can’t go too far out-of-bounds otherwise she’ll be sent home for having “distracting” hair. Meh. She was off from school all last week, spending the time with her oldest sister, Jenny, who’s 28. Jenny, being the nice, supportive, anti-establishment older sister, helped Lynn to dye her hair. Not the whole thing, just part of it. You see, Lynn has colored her hair like I do. I have color streaks on top and black beneath. She went opposite with black on top and color at the bottom.

My mom was working that day. (At this point I should mention Mom used to be a hair stylist and has fixed many hair disasters in her lifetime even though she no longer practices.) So Mom was at work and she sees Jenny pull up. She gets out of the car. Not long after, Lynn emerges from the car wearing Christmas tree flannel pajamas, slippers, and a hoodie. She’s also sobbing her little heart out.

When they walk into the office, Jenny is cackling like the evil older sister she is (we raised her right), and Lynn is…well, a hot mess. Her hair is still black on the top, but beneath that layer of black, her hair is beyond bright hot pink. She’s snotting, sobbing, hysterical because she has to go to school the following week! Jenny, of course, is insensible because she’s about to pee her pants from laughing.

My mom finally got the story out of them while trying to calm Lynn down. It seems Jenny gave Lynn the exact color she wanted, but was worried their mother would kill both of them (the mom’s in this family put the fear of mother in us all). So to prevent their mother from killing them, Jenny decided they would tone down the color.

They headed over to a beauty supply store to look for dye. It was packed with stylists gearing up for the up-coming holiday. The area with the dye is in the back corner and that’s where my cousins headed. As Lynn looked over the color choices, she’s sobbing. Loudly. Heartbreakingly. So much so, that every stylist in the store gravitated towards her to help this poor child. Meanwhile, Jenny is still laughing. Why? Because now the stylists were giving her dirty looks like she was a horrible mother (did I mention there’s a 14 year difference between them?). This just set Jenny off even more and made Lynn cry harder because now she was actually getting sympathy.

Ah, gotta love those girls. Eventually, my mom had to send Lynn to the cosmetology school to have them fix the hair color because Lynn would not listen to her suggestions. I asked Mom why she didn’t take a picture of her hair, but she said she was worried Lynn might throw herself in traffic, or something like that. She did confess though, that after my cousins left the office, she was overcome with a fit of laughing she hadn’t had in years.

Yeah, she’s sick and Jenny is just like her, except without the little cushion of compassion Mom has. I saw Lynn yesterday and her hair is now a subdued burgundy color. I asked her if her hair problems were now solved and the look she gave me promised death.

Oh well, I never said I didn’t have a sick sense of humor as well.


Filed under Family

10 responses to “A Hot Mess

  1. Oh my word I’m laughing out loud right now. This is awesome!

  2. Bwahahahahahahah! Ooops, I mean the poor thing.

  3. HEHEHE- that’s funny!! Sometimes you get what you ask for and then see it’s not so great!

  4. KAK


    We who have been there and done that, salute both Lynn and Jenny.

    • Yes, I have to salute the child because at least she didn’t cut her own bangs a few days before school ended like I did…my bangs were sticking straight out of my head the last days of my freshman year *sniff*

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