I’ve mentioned many times before that my family provides me with endless hours of amusement and fodder for my manuscripts. If you’re a person who loves to laugh at family foibles, then you simply must read this post by one of the fabulous Southern Sizzlers.
My cousin complains frequently that people don’t believe her when she tells stories about the family. I can’t say I blame them because really, some of the things that my family members have done is beyond belief. Today I’m going to discuss my Aunt Chong.
Aunt Chong married my eldest uncle when he was stationed in South Korea. She came to the US six months pregnant and got off the plane in Dallas instead of New Orleans. Mom got a call in the middle of the night that a pregnant Korean woman was crying and had her number. They finally got Aunt Chong here and imagine her surprise when she realized that Americans don’t all live like the actors did on Dallas! Yes, that was the basis of her comparison for life in the United States.
She became a citizen and eventually started her own business. Now, let me give you an idea of what my aunt is like. She’s maybe 5’5″, and a petite little thing, but she’s fierce. And strong. And…crazy.
Her first business venture was selling ball gowns and formal wear. She had a little store somewhere on Plank Road in Baton Rouge and was quite proud of her little boutique. One day, a couple of ladies came into the store and ran out with about $1000 worth of merchandise. They had a car in front of the store ready for them. They jumped into the car and were about to drive off when my aunt barreled out of the store after them. And then jumped on the hood of the car.
Did it end there? Of course not! This is my family! They took off with my aunt latched onto the hood of the car. It apparently went something like this:
Driver: Get off my car you crazy…
Aunt: You give me my clothes back!
Driver: Get off my car!!
Aunt: No! You give me my clothes back right now!
The car took off down Plank Rd., which is actually quite busy. I don’t know if people thought a movie was being filmed, or if they’re so blind they don’t even notice little Korean women acting as hood ornaments. In any case, the car took my aunt, the shoplifters, and their booty through the city into one of the neighborhoods.
The shoplifters were so freaked out (the driver especially because really, how will the cops not notice a woman on the hood of a car??) they stopped on one of the streets. They threw the clothes out of the window, my aunt got off the car, and they took off.
Satisfied that she had her gowns back, my aunt began the long walk back to her shop. An old man stopped and gave her a ride back. When we all heard about this, it was with a mixture of outright hilarity, shock, and disbelief. Didn’t she realize she could’ve been killed? Had she really watched too much Miami Vice? (She had a very big crush on Don Johnson at the time.) They could’ve dropped her in a terrible neighborhood where she could have been hurt.
It didn’t matter to Aunt Chong though. Nope. She had her dresses back and from then on, she was the one person no one in the family wanted to mess with. My uncle blames my mother for her change from his “sweet, obedient, Korean wife” to a “crazy American woman”.
She hasn’t jumped on any cars in the last 20 years, thankfully, but we always initiate new members of the family with her antics. They don’t always believe us until they actually meet her and she tells them, quite bluntly, that they aren’t good enough for her nieces/nephews.
Yup, that’s my aunt. Is it any wonder I have such crazy ideas for stories?
How about you? What’s the most outrageous thing someone in your family has done? Do you live in fear of family get-togethers because you’re not sure you want to know what they’ve been up to?