Anniversary Week III – The Blogger

When I decided to blog as an author, I wasn’t sure I’d have enough to write about. I mean, there’s only so much you can talk about, or at least I thought so. Yes, there have been recurring themes, but for the most part, I think I’ve managed to keep the blog fresh and filled with personality. My personality.

Actually, that might not be the best thing. I talk about some strange stuff sometimes. If you stop here often, no doubt you already know that. No, I try not to talk about bodily functions, but isn’t it weird how everything your body stops when you sneeze? I mean really…you could literally KILL yourself by sneezing. And never stopping. I’m a writer, people, this is stuff I think about.

I’ve attempted to blog before. As a non-writer, I kept a livejournal account and blogged on MySpace,  yet there just wasn’t enough for me to write about. I spent most of the time complaining about work, complaining about this, or that and it made me feel worse, not better. I remember after I left my last job, I no longer had anything to blog about. Then I realized how sad that was.

These days, almost anything inspires me to blog about something. I know some things you’d rather not know, but I thought it would be fun to bring back some of what I think are my most memorable words.

Caution: remember, I have a sick sense of humor!
 I didn’t want my hero to be such an ass that readers wouldn’t like him. He still has to be an ass though. (Hero, Meet Heroine)

Is there an age where you have to say, “No more concerts”? Or would it be cool for an 80-year-old to rock out at a Slipknot concert? (Of course, they’d be in their 80’s too, so maybe it would be awesome…a bunch of senior citizens on their rascals pretending to mosh…) (Becoming That Person)

While I’m watching this documentary on Heavy Metal, Bruce Dickinson is interviewed and I swear, he looked just like Steve Irwin! He’s talking about heavy metal and I keep waiting for him to say ‘Danger, danger’ while pointing out Blackie Lawless’ exploding codpiece. (Bruce Dickinson and Steve Irwin)

We wrap ourselves in the cloak of our words, arm ourselves with our pens, and straggle down the road to publication anyway. How does that phrase go? ‘Return with your novel, or upon it.’ (Grin and Bear it – rejections)

Dear Ms. Avet,

We are sorry to inform you that your manuscript, Ruby: Uncut and on the Loose has passed away. It fought the good fight, but after numerous slashes with the red pen, died from a lack of wit and plot. To save you the despair of burying your manuscript yourself, we decided to cremate it in an intricate ceremony complete with champagne and a weenie roast. The service was attended by all the editors here at (insert publishing house) and a lovely time was had by all. We’re sending copies of the pictures from the service and the after party.

Sincerely,
Editors (It’s Rejection Day!)

So that last one wasn’t a real…you know, rejection letter. It’s one I wrote for myself. I’d probably be horrified, then laugh if I got a letter like that.

Anyway, those are just a few of my favorite important words I’ve imparted over the last year. Not impressive, but there you go.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard in the last year? Have you written a rejection letter for yourself?

2 Comments

Filed under Writing

2 responses to “Anniversary Week III – The Blogger

  1. KAK

    OMG, I love the faux rejection letter. The champagne and weenie roast, I find frighteningly plausible. Throw in a cupcake and a shark, and I’d totally be telling you to frame that thing.

    • maybe that’s something all writers should do, write their own rejection letters. I know after I wrote that one, I was like…’Okay, I can handle just about anything now!’.

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