After the Wedding

So I was off the grid for 4 days. Between getting the hall ready for the wedding, the wedding itself, picking up the bride and groom in New Orleans, and contracting some weird bug from the ringbearer…I was seriously away from the computer.

The wedding went off without a hitch. It was hot as hell, but we made it through without anyone passing out (at least from the heat) and no fighting. It was a beautiful ceremony and as far as I know, only my mom and oldest nephew got teary-eyed. I didn’t cry! No, I was too happy to cry. My baby brother is a married man and he looks so happy. That’s all I can ask for.

I have a lot to catch up on, so I’m keeping this post short, but I do want to say that I may bitch and moan complain and grouch about marriage, but I can only hope my brother and sister-in-law have a long and happy life together. If I get some nieces and nephews out of the deal, even better.

Mr. and Mrs. My Little Brother during the money dance. They left for their honeymoon this morning. Seven days in Alaska! I can only hope the turd comes home. He’s been jonesing to move to Alaska ever since we watched North to Alaska when we were little.

Fantasy Man Friday

Happy Friday all!!

Well, last night was the rehearsal and I’m not ashamed to say we (the groomspersons) spent most of the pseudo-ceremony looking confused. It’s been quite some time since any of us attended a church wedding with a full mass, so we spent most of the time looking down the pew at the last groomsman because he’s a very regular church goer. It was a good rehearsal and my brother didn’t cry once although he did spend the entire 45 minute drive shaking his leg nervously. It was bad enough that I had to tell him several times to stop rocking my car otherwise I’d puke.

We had SO much food as well. The kids were happy playing…whatever they were playing while everyone else gorged themselves on jambalaya, chili, chicken, and sandwiches. Then it was time for the wedding party presents by the bride and groom. The bride gave her bridesmaids pink flip-flops (to wear during the reception because no one wants to dance in heels) and jewelry for their dresses. The groomspersons *snickers* got pilsner glasses. Oh yes. Pilsner glasses! Initialed at that.

This morning we’re off to the reception hall to set up tables and decorate. I’m tired, but it’ll be fine. If we get home early enough I can take care of all the household chores before we’re swarmed by family tomorrow. Ah, it’ll be an interesting weekend!

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the countdown to my brother’s wedding. I love the little snot and his fiancée is very lucky to have him, even though I had to make mention during my speech very wise advice we all learned from our Korean aunt. I told her “Marsha, I love Phillip and I’m very happy that you’re marry him, but being as we all worked for Aunt Chong at one time or another, I’d just like to tell you…No refunds, no exchanges! He’s yours, you can’t bring him back!”

So now, in honor of the wedding, here’s a fantasy man sure to have you thinking of a romantic wedding night…or maybe just a very sweaty one…where clothes are forgotten:

Oh there are so many things I can say…like, who wants to play doctor when you can play mechanic with this guy?? Or…with him, you don’t really need to worry about bringing your own rubber. Sorry!! I couldn’t help it. So anyway, with this…lovely man, I keep remembering that Express Yourself video by Madonna. You know, when the dirty worker is making love to her on those white satin sheets. *shivers* He looks like he wouldn’t care about a little grease on his sheets. In fact, it might be a requirement. *coughs*

I’m really leaving now!! I apologize if today’s post was more…risque than usual. I can only blame it on lack of sleep. It IS 5:30 in the a.m.

Have a great weekend all!

Countdown to a Wedding – Traditions

As I’ve mentioned before, this isn’t going to be a completely traditional wedding. Mostly because there will be two women serving as groomsmen. My cousin and I have matching dresses and all that, but we’ll stand out. That’s fine. The second part is that my brother and his fiancée are getting married on her parent’s 38th anniversary and they’ll be renewing their wedding vows. This is especially important to my soon-to-be sister-in-law.

As I might’ve also mentioned, this wedding will be the first “real” wedding in over 20 years when my sister was married. Since thing, two of my cousins have married, but they had small intimate ceremonies. This is a wedding of about 300 people at a church. I can’t remember the last time I stepped foot in a Catholic church and my family is no better.

After the ceremony though, it proves to be more traditional. Well, for Cajuns that is. See, we have this lovely little thing called a money dance. I’m not sure if it’s something done anywhere else, but people I’ve talked to don’t know about so I’m guessing it’s just a Louisiana thing. However, my mother and nephew didn’t even know what the money dance was so I had to explain it to them.

Think of it as a sort of bride and groom lapdance…with clothes…and it’s to help the couple on their honeymoon. When the money dance is called, everyone reaches into their wallets/purses and starts pulling out fives, tens, twenties, and sometimes more. The ladies line up to dance with the groom, while the men line up to dance with the bride. You take your cash, grab a pin and wait. When it’s your turn, you pin your money to the clothing of the groom (or the veil of the bride) and you get to dance with them for about thirty seconds until it’s the next person’s turn.

I’ve heard some people pass the hat, but to me, the money dance is the best part of the entire wedding reception. Oh sure, it’s fun to watch the groom take the bride’s garter off (the bride has sworn she isn’t going to sit on my nephew’s knee because she’ll crush it, but he’s a big, strong boy, he can handle it). It’s also fun to watch the single ladies nearly kill each other for the bouquet. But the money dance beats all. It’s also a very lucrative way for the couple to make a good chunk of cash to help them get started in their new life together.

Now there are even more strange wedding traditions that abound down here, but luckily I’ve never seen them. There’s the charivari (sha-ree-va-rée). When the bride or groom has been married before or widowed, the family will gather around their house in the middle of the night banging pots and pans until they’re invited inside for food and drink. My mom always told me of a tradition where the bride was kidnapped away from the groom on the wedding night and hidden while the groom had to go and find her.

Then, there’s the tradition I sincerely hope NOT to see at this wedding. In some communities, if the bride or groom has an unmarried older sibling they’ll be given a broom or a mop to dance barefoot with as a way to poke fun at them for still being single. I’ve threatened my brother, his fiancée, and my mother with dire consequences if this happens.

So that’s the wedding traditions in our little part of the world. Do you have some unique to your community?

Countdown to a Wedding – Guests

Guests at a wedding can be both a blessing and a curse. With my father’s family, it’s definitely a curse. Someone is always mad at someone else and the temperatures at the reception can reach minus 30. On the other hand, if you have a great blend of people, the wedding reception can be the warmest, best time ever.

We don’t have a very big family. By “we” I mean my mother’s family which consists of her two brothers, one sister and their kids which total seven and their children. Is that confusing enough? Well, it has nothing on some families in this area. I remember at my sister’s wedding we were looking at my brother-in-law’s family. His dad was one of thirteen children. His mom was one of six or seven. Then, we had to add in mom’s paternal family, dad’s family, my stepdad’s family, and my stepmom’s family. You’re talking about a big wedding.

That’ll probably be the case this weekend. Our family will be there, but we’re not sure about the great-uncles, great-aunts, and the smattering of cousins we have. The bride’s family though, is going to take up most of the church. To help balance my family’s numbers, I made sure to invite my college friends who looked on Phillip as a younger brother.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been hounding them: “Are you coming to the wedding?”, “You should come to the wedding.”, “Are you really coming?”. I’m glad to say all of them should be there which leaves me feeling like Jake in The Blues Brothers. You know, “We’re putting the band back together!” You know, so glad that I’ll be seeing all of my friends at one time. If we can get a bon fire started, a golf cart in the reception hall, and a bottle of Taaka Vodka, it’ll be just like old times!

Well, not really. Of the six of us, three are married, two of those three have children. The other three of us are single and have moved on doing our own thing. The days of late nights singing Sweet Caroline and the theme song to All in the Family are long gone. We’ll never get them back, but that’s fine. A lot has happened since those days. We’re older, for one. Which means tossing back Wild Turkey shots followed by Shlitz won’t be happening. Nor will driving on the golf cart all over the neighborhood. No more sparkler bombs; no more late night study sessions.

Am I feeling a little nostalgic? You bet your booty! These were the closest friends I ever had in my life, so it’s going to take some adjusting to see receding hair lines, expanded waists, grey hair, and wrinkles (and if they don’t have any of those, I’m going to find out who their plastic surgeon is).

Countdown to a Wedding – The Groom

Continuing the countdown, I’m going to discuss my brother, the groom.

To be honest, part of me isn’t surprised that some woman snapped him up. Phillip can be incredibly sweet without being touchy-feely. Oh, he torments everyone, don’t get me wrong. His poor godchild. Sometimes I wonder why the girl loves him so, but she absolutely adores her parrain (godfather in Cajun French).

He’s one of those guys people are instantly drawn to. It probably has to do with him being such a big, friendly guy. He’s tall and cuddly looking. I remember being in college and hanging with my friends. One time I brought him with me to a friend’s house and from then on out, any time I went out with them they would ask me where he was. I didn’t understand it. I mean, sure, he’s cool…because of me (thank you!), but he’s my little brother! One of my friends has a brother Phillip’s age and said Phillip didn’t act like kids his age. They loved hanging out with him and to be honest, I did as well. My friends became his friends and they’ll all be at the wedding to watch him marry his lady-love.

On the other hand though, I wonder how in the world my sister-in-law is going to live with him. I shudder sometimes just thinking about the hell she is going to go through. He’s lazy. He is! He doesn’t like to do household chores (although he sure cleans up before she comes over and I’ve heard he even cleans her house…the traitor!), and don’t ask him to cut the grass.

Like I said, he torments his godchild and I know he torments his fiancée. He badgered her about her dog so much she gave the dog to her parents. My mom, sister, and I were horrified. Me especially because if you don’t love my dog, you don’t love me. It wasn’t until this weekend that we learned he’s afraid of Chihuahuas. Apparently, when he was younger, his friend had two of them and used to scare him with the little suckers. Now, he hates the breed.

Then, there’s the mice. I did mention Phillip is a big guy…but he’ll jump five feet if confronted by a mouse. He claims it’s because they move so fast. I think he’s just a weenie. We had a mouse under some appliance years ago and he was going to get it. He’d just lifted the appliance and mouse jumped out. He squealed and jumped back. I was surprised he didn’t climb on a chair to get away from it. LOL

He’s also a little weird. He used to work with our uncle at his store years ago and it was in a bad neighborhood. Phillip was given the job of sweeping the parking lot and he was scared someone might mug him. So what does he do? Gets on his hands and knees and starts blowing the garbage across the lot. You heard me, he made himself a human leaf blower! He figured if people thought he was crazy, they’d leave him alone. Apparently it worked.

Yet, this is the same boy…sorry, man who demanded I write. Demanded it! He fussed me constantly when I told him I wanted to pursue a writing career. He’d ask me everyday if I wrote anything. He read part of my very first manuscript and encouraged me to continue. He has a great big heart, but he doesn’t always show it.

So that’s the man my sister-in-law is marrying. A guy everyone loves, who torments and teases until others are in tears (from anger), doesn’t like to do household chores, has a twisted sense of humor, and a heart he keeps protected until he gives it all away. She’s a very lucky woman who’ll need an iron will to deal with his antics.

Countdown to a Wedding – The Brother

This weekend, my baby brother will be tying the knot. In honor of this, I’m going to give you all a blow-by-blow account of what we’ve done to prepare. Well, sort of. The bride’s family is taking care of everything really, so we haven’t done that much.

Over the weekend, my sister and I had our hair done (so it would look fresh for the wedding). Then it was a trip to the nail salon for pedicures and nails. Meanwhile, my dog was at the groomer. The four of us (my mom, sister, dog, and myself) are all groomed and ready for the wedding. Or are we?

Phillip, my brother, is the only boy and the baby of the family. I was six years old when he was born and I remember praying every day for a brother. I’d had enough of sisters – they weren’t any fun. I wanted a baby brother to love and cuddle. The day he was born, I remember going to the hospital with my stepdad and sister to see him. He was…enormous. Phillip was 11 lbs, 15 oz. and 23 inches long. He had thick, black hair and looked a little like E.T.

We joke now that he was born with teeth, but he was just so cute. He was allergic to milk, so he was on a soy milk formula for the first year of his life. This didn’t slow his growth at all. He grew by leaps and bounds, looking four years older than he actually was. The shine of having a new baby brother wore off quick. I had a social life…across the street at my friend’s house. But I couldn’t visit with her much since Phillip was attached to me.

It never got any better, so it shouldn’t have been any surprise that he became my best friend. We’ve played Voltron, G.I. Joe, Nintendo, He-Man and She-Ra together. We were inseparable. He wasn’t just my brother, or friend, I sometimes feel like he’s my own child.

Now, before I start getting off on a tangent, my point to this post is Phillip didn’t have just one mom. My sister is fourteen years older than him, so she was like a second mom to him. His godmother had two daughters born on either side of him and they all spent a lot of time together. She was his third mother. And then I became like his mom as well.

Our concern for the wedding? He’ll have four women blubbering over him. My mom says the only way she’ll be able to get through the ceremony is to recall that this union will give her more grandchildren. My sister doesn’t have a plan other than to try to stick it out. My aunt…well, I don’t know how she’ll manage. He’s the son she never had so I think she might get a little teary-eyed. As for me? I’m just praying I don’t start bawling on the altar. I mean, I’m supposed to be a groomswoman, I need to present a solemn and stoic air…I think. I’ll cry afterwards at the reception.

So I’m dedicating this post to my baby brother, Phillip Charles, who has tormented me, supported me, and taken my sisterly teasing for 27 years. I love you, Phee-Phee!

Tales of a Groomswoman Part 2

Last night I sat down with my brother (the groom-to-be) to discuss his bachelor party. It’s been decided that the boys who want to, will play 18 holes of golf during the day, then we’ll head out to a buffalo wing joint (not Hooters) for dinner, then we’re going to Mahoney’s. *sigh* I love Mahoney’s. It’s supposed to be an Irish style pub, but it’s so far off the mark. I don’t care though, they have the best selection of beer there. Oh yes…Guinness on tap and something else I can’t recall at the moment.

I know this probably seems like a tame bachelor’s party. Especially when you take into account the bachelorette party is being held in New Orleans. Yes, for that party we’ll be playing 18-hole-in-the-wall-bars. Apparently, it’ll be like golf, but without the clubs and greens. No, the shots we’ll be taking will be drinks and there’s a scoring system set up that I don’t understand.

Should I feel bad for not setting the bachelor party at some strip club? Hell no! This is my little brother we’re talking about here and my nephews are going to be a part of it as well, not to mention my aunt would KILL my uncle if he went to a strip club. Actually, I pretty much left the choices up to my brother. He chose to play golf and go to Mahoney’s. Because he’s not into that scene, which makes me happy.

So last night we had to sit down and figure out who was coming to this bachelor party. I tried to get out of attending, but all I managed to avoid was golf. My brother is insistent that my cousin and I join the lads for drinks. That’ll be so. Much. Fun! Actually, it probably will be. He’s also saying that if I ever get married, he wants to be the Man of Honor or one of the bridesmaids. Yeah, he would do it too.

And that’s the current pre-wedding state. Everything is scheduled for May which gives me plenty of time to contact everyone and find golf-type clothes for the bachelorette party.