You Have Questions, They Don’t Want to Answer

Well, I was about to say ‘we all ask questions that are so embarrassing we nearly kill the person we’re asking’, but I don’t know if everyone does this.

See, when I was a young, impressionable, innocent 16-year-old, I was reading romances so fast the local library was shipping them from other branches to keep up with me. I was innocent at this stage, I swear! However, I was curious. As romance readers know, our books include either sweet love scenes that make you go ‘aw’ and wonder what they’re doing behind that closed door, or they have hot, erotic scenes that have you putting the book down to fan your face.

Oh yes, I remember distinctly reading my very first steamy love scene. I was blushing so much, I put the book to the side, fanned myself, collected my tattered composure, and picked the book up again. I was hooked. Not because of the sex, which was outstanding, but because I’d never imagined such things! I really was innocent, I suppose, though it was a lack of knowing about passion more than the mechanics of the act.

So, armed with my newfound understanding of passion, I had to ask someone about pre-marital sex. I could’ve asked my older sister. She was married by that time with a couple of kids, but I just couldn’t do it. None of my friends had done the deed either, so I couldn’t ask them (hell, they were asking me about sex because of all the romances I read). So I went to the best source for information. My mom.

We were sitting in the kitchen. She was drinking coffee and I think it went something like this:

I plopped into a chair across from her. Fiddled with stuff on the table. Shook my leg nervously.

“Um, mom? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

Deep breath. “Did you and dad have sex before you got married?”

I watched my mom’s face turn from her pretty olive tone to nearly puce. She stuttered. She stammered. Blinked at me in shock. “Ask your father!”

Hm. I was intrigued. Obviously, mom hadn’t waited before she was married, but I wanted to be sure. So when it was time to go to my dad’s house, I waited for the perfect moment to ask my question.

He just got in from work, was drinking his coffee (notice a coffee flavored theme here?). We chatted about how school was going and all the other boring stuff I didn’t want to talk about. Then…

“Dad? Did you and mom have sex before you got married?”

I watched my dad’s face, which was tanned dark from working outdoors all his life, turn brick red. He looked at me as though I’d lost my mind, but I was persistent. I wasn’t going to take the question back. I stared back at him.

He spluttered. Put his coffee cup down. Cleared his throat.

“Well, we did date for four years!”

And that was that. I finally knew the answer to my question. However, I’d just put my parents through what had to be the most embarrassing moment in their years of parenthood. Now, through the years, I’ve come across questions my friends and  younger cousins have asked their parents and nearly killed them with the shock.

Today’s question is: Did you ever ask someone a question that embarrassed them to the point of their imminent expiration? Have you ever been asked something that made you want to die right then and there?

Slow Start

If you follow this blog, you may have noticed that I didn’t post anything yesterday. Yeah, I felt weird about not giving my daily two cents, but my mom had surgery, so that took precedent over anything else. I think the most I did yesterday was check my e-mail and even that was iffy.

What’s today’s blog going to be about? Well, considering I was taking care of mom yesterday, I think it should be about mothers. Now, my mom is something else. She likes to go around saying she’s a little old lady, but if anyone else even suggests such a thing, she gets offended. Maybe not ‘offended’ so much as it puts her back up.

She just turned 60 this year and (I guess this is where I should say that my sister, brother, and I love to torment her in a nice way) she wanted a party. I kept telling her that all she was getting was a cupcake with a candle on it. Meanwhile, we were covertly planning a birthday party. Yeah, we knew that was all she wanted, but we couldn’t let her know we were doing it! When her birthday came around, she had no clue about the party and we surprised her but good. She loved it. Of course, she said we were trying to kill her because we scared her. It isn’t true though.

She wasn’t a conventional mother, I guess. She wasn’t a mom who made breakfast for us every morning (we were lucky if she made breakfast once a month), she didn’t help us with our homework (she kept telling us that she wasn’t the one in school, we were and it was up to us to learn what we needed to), and she didn’t believe in things like senior trips (once we graduated from high school we were expected to go to work). However, she was always there when we got our hearts broken by something or other, she always made sure we spent time with our families, and she taught us to think for ourselves. She frequently gets frustrated with us because we’re all as hardheaded as she is and we won’t listen to every pearl of wisdom she hands out, so we have to remind her that she taught us to make our own mistakes, opinions, etc. and stick with them.

Do I think my mom is unique? Well, yeah! I think she’s amazing. A strong woman who’s spoiled rotten by her kids. Have I mentioned that if we don’t buy her soft drinks or sweets when she wants them, she pouts? Oh yes. She pouts. She likes to have her own way (who doesn’t) and isn’t above using guilt to get it, lol. Mom’s favorite sayings are ‘When I’m gone, you’re gonna remember this’ or ‘When I die…’.

So is it any surprise that when it was said she needed surgery, all of her kids took off of work to wake up at 3 in the morning to take her to the hospital? I don’t think so. Is it any surprise that we ignored her medicated ramblings? I don’t think so. She’s mom. We pick on her, we love her, we’d do anything for her. She’s my role model and my biggest fan (even though she DID say my business cards looked like I was writing porn).

Oh, don’t worry folks. I haven’t forgotten about the contest. I’m extending the first week in light of personal stuff going on, so any comments made beginning last week until this Sunday will be put in the drawing for a book.